There is a good chance that by now you have heard some influencer or guru say that “Mindset Matters”. But what the actual F*#& does that even mean? As a working life coach, this concept is so much easier to guide as an experience in a live session than to explain in a blog post. But I am up for a good challenge, so Let’s jump right in.

To start, there is a point in time in every success story when a significant shift happens. It is the moment when you change from just wanting (hoping) for something to happen to full ownership of every part of your future path. The very conscience choice to turn around and face the inner critic is so powerful because this is when limiting beliefs start to fall and momentum starts to build. Here’s why.

Limiting beliefs, the voices in our head that tell us we can’t, are deeply rooted in our underlying values, beliefs, and formed identity. These negative beliefs will show up when who, or what, we want to become is not congruent with how we define (see) ourselves today. That inner dialog will keep us stuck, waffling on making the commitment to go for it! To change our identity into something new.

Until you decide (I mean really decide) to own change, the anguish of the inner critic will just cycle over and over. But here is the thing, the inner critic is just running a program based on the map we gave it until now. It does not understand future-you yet. Think of it as a protection mechanism or alert system that you can choose to take its advice or not.

As a coach I want all of my clients to understand the basic mind mechanics that are going on. All of this is a program running in our subconscious. It is pattern matching and spitting out results based on our current mental map of the world around us. If we are unaware of it then all we hear is the noise and negative thoughts. That makes it hard to interrupt and scary to make lasting changes. But when my clients understand the what and the why behind the change it enables the process to happen faster. So let’s look at the basic building blocks of identity and belief change.

Values, Beliefs, and Identity statements are the three main influences on how we see the world and what is possible. They control the filter of how we process everything around us. Think of them as the core parts of the human software operating system.

Values are the foundation of everything. They are fairly fixed throughout our life. They are often well-formed and established between six and nine years of age. Values are imprinted on you by the world, environment, and people around us in those early formative years. Values are usually very simple concepts such as kindness, charity, fairness, respect, empathy, and honesty. These values will guide our basic actions, responses, and shape our character, influencing how we interact with others and the beliefs of the world around us.

Beliefs are logical concepts and conclusions based on our life experiences. Beliefs can be positive or negative depending on events and how they map to imprinted values. For the most part, with exceptions, most of our core beliefs do not change frequently or quickly. Throughout life, our beliefs generally evolve and expand as we gain new experiences and broaden our perspectives. Beliefs serve as a moral compass, guiding us in making decisions. Beliefs can free us to live a fulfilling life or cause us to limit what we see as possible.

The exception: Sometimes a strong enough experience or revelation is powerful enough to suddenly and rapidly re-write, re-wire, or delete a belief. In these exceptional cases, even long-held beliefs can disappear in a moment. Often, this happens when the original belief was out of alignment with one’s core values or formed on a strongly perceived truth that was challenged and proven false. This is usually a very good thing and can be very liberating. This is an important concept. Be aware that you and I are walking around with a number of these types of beliefs every day.

Identity is the personality expression of values and beliefs. Whenever you hear yourself saying I am ‘Something’ that is an identity statement. I am good at math. I am a person of faith. I am healthy. I am a good worker. I am too old to start something new. I am not strong enough to start over. I am a smoker. Identity statements are the brain’s way of setting up guardrails for our personality Operating system. They become what we show others we care about and help shape our reality. Think about this for a second, there is power in the words we use to define ourselves. The more we repeat it, the deeper the identity gets set. Repeat it enough it becomes a belief and maybe even a pseudo-value. At the end of the day You OWN who you say you are.

If you were my coaching client here is where I would assign you some homework. I would ask you to take some quiet time and write down 10 or more identity statements that define you today. They can be either positive or negative. This can be eye-opening for many, because it may be the first time we express how we really define and limit ourselves today.

Reality is Plastic or at least it is very malleable. So what does that even mean? For the majority of people, they will go through life assuming that they have to live with their existing beliefs and identity. That these are constraints, shackles that keep them from success. In other words, they believe they can not change. What the 1% realize our beliefs and identity are just feedback on what is today, and what we don’t like is an opportunity to change. The mentality of the victim will accept the inner dialog as truth, while the success mindset will hear the inner dialog as an opportunity to grow.

Identity and beliefs are connected, you can change your beliefs to reshape your identity. Or you can decide (Own) the investment and process of rebuilding a new identity, which will reshape your beliefs. There is a psychodynamic relationship between the two.

Because beliefs are often absolute statements from almost always a very narrow perspective. It is healthy to test and verify they were ever true. You do not have to accept them as they are. Quite the opposite, you want to become good at identifying the beliefs that may be limiting you to challenge and change.

Changing one’s limiting beliefs requires what is known as a re-frame. A reframe is simply testing the belief from a new perspective or viewpoint. Say you want to change careers and start a small business. Your inner dialog may reply with a belief statement like this; “How can you run a business, you don’t know anything about that”. The belief that you will fail due to a lack of knowledge. But I am going to re-frame this with one word, notice how it changes the tone and mental response when you read it. “How can you run a business, you don’t know anything about it..YET!” Just adding one simple word changes it from failure to possibility and next steps.

While challenging and changing one limiting beliefs will start to change your identity. You can also boldly start by redefining identity as well. The process is actually simple to start. If you did the exercise above and wrote down your identity statements is time to evaluate them.

• Which ones did you like and agree with?
• Which ones came up that you don’t like and want to change?
• What ones are missing that you want to add?

Start and edit the list replacing the old statements with better versions of what you want to become. Words have power and you become what you define yourself as. That was the fun and easy part. Once you have decided on the final list, from that moment forward commit to using it in how you think about yourself & how you describe yourself to others. This approach is making a BOLD claim to owning it! is can lead to some very rapid changes in your life.

Be prepared because your limiting beliefs will go on overdrive for a period of time. But realize that Your inner critic, that inner voice is not your enemy. It is now your ally. As a trusted advisor It will point out things you need to learn and tackle to succeed. People who adopt a success mindset and OWN IT will lean into what this inner dialog is saying. They will translate it and reframe it into something that moves them forward. Channel it into learning new skills, or exploring options on their journey. What was once seen as the enemy, now becomes a trusted advisor who may or may not have bad communication skills?

Learning Opportunities